Writing about the Kiss of Love was a good experience. Even more overwhelming was the response I got. Besides a 100+ share on Facebook and Twitter, I got hatemails too. I opened up my email the other day to see three emails with no subjects. Now, that says something about the sender, right? Anyway, I don’t have any policy that stops me from reading such mails so I decided to sit and grace them with my attention. They all (amazingly, all three) started in a nice and cordial manner but soon started getting very abusive. Typical! I won’t bother pasting them here but I will surely show you some samples.
“How dare you insult my culture?”
“You go and Kiss your mother, you fucker!”
“@@#&*@#” (That was Hindi for motherfucker).
“You don’t know what India has”. (Now, that’s new!)
“India is my mother. You insulted her.”
“You have not a Hindu. You have no culture. So don’t dare talk about Hindus.”
“We will kill you like Pig.”
“You are freedom to kiss. You Kiss. You sex. You fuck. Why telling others to fuck. Fuck off.”
“You Tamil idiot! I am Indian. You don’t talk about Hindus. India is good culture. You go to Sri Lanka.”
“What is your problem? Why kiss in public? Its not culture.”
“We beat ass when kiss in public park.”
“We don’t tell West to come to India. India won’t go to West.”
“Girls are not wear jeans. Only Salwar.”
“You are dog. We are men. That is difference. If you write this, against India and us, we will burn you. Dog.”
“Why? You kiss your girlfriend, mother and everybody else. No bring such things to India. We don’t kiss in India.”
So, these are the ‘highlights’ of the hate-mails I received. I should confess that it made an amazing read. I don’t generally like getting abused but the struggle of ignorant fools to ‘abuse’ me looked very amusing. I chose not to reply to any of those mails. I chose to use my blog to reply to them.
Dear Mailer 1,
I did not insult your culture. I merely pointed out that you are ignorant of what could be termed as ‘Culture’. And, let me tell you that I do kiss my mother; upon my arrival at home for vacation and when it is time for me to leave, I do kiss the one who gave birth to me. But I can see that you lack a good mother which is probably the reason behind such blatant aggression and ignorance. I surely won’t be able to list out what all India has but I know for a fact that India, unfortunately, has total idiots like you. Your I.P address shows that you’re from Maharashtra. Jai Maharashtra.
Dear Mailer 2,
India is probably your mother but I did not insult her. I surely don’t have Hindu. Do you? How is it? How much was the price for 1 KG? Where did you buy it? Please mention that in the next hate-mail. I have no culture either. Sorry bro.
You will kill me like Pig? Have you ever killed a Pig before? Ever seen any living thing, other than dogs and mosquitoes, getting killed?
Yes. I are freedom to Kiss. I do Kiss. I do fuck, but I don’t think that is any of your business. Anyway, that is why I have something called a healthy mind and life. Maybe you should also try it for a change. But I certainly do not force others into er… what you would call ‘fuck’. Fuck Off to you too. Really!
Now, Sir, your last comment was just awesome. You have no idea how much I laughed about it. I laughed maniacally after a long time. I guffawed in such a way that I knocked a nice cup of hot coffee all over my shorts (almost ruining my chance to have a healthy sexual life, I should say!) and sandals. I am from the South, but not Tamil. And the last I checked, Tamil Nadu was a part of India too. So, if you’re Indian, my dear, that makes us brothers. Although not intellectually, at least in sharing what Nehru would call a ‘collective destiny’. You do know Nehru, right? He was the First captain of the Indian Cricket Team! And, Tamils did not come from Sri Lanka. Neither do they go there. Tamils (in India) isn’t very fond of Lankans, from what I understand. But then, you surely have no clue what I am talking about.
Dear Mailer 3,
You beat ass when kiss in public? How do you do that? I have seen Gorillas pounding their chest as a kinda war cry or a warning. Is it something like that? Does it hurt when you beat your ass when kiss in public? One more question, is your girlfriend (or boyfriend) okay with you beating your ass when kissing her (him) in public?
I think you are doing a great favor to the world by not telling the West to come to India. Imagine what unimaginable horrors would happen if such a thing happens. What if the West actually listens to you and decides to come to India? I don’t think the world is ready for a sudden shift in the tectonic plates. The whole of West moving towards South Asia and finally merging with it! What a catastrophe could that be! Please don’t tell the West to come and please don’t let India go to West.
Okay! Okay! Girls are not wear jeans. They are only wear Salwar! I are only Jeans. I are a man. Can I are wear jeans? Thank you. Thank you. You are truly wonderful. (Oops! I just used are in a wrong place!)
Excuse me, was that a death threat? Oooooo! I’m so scared.
I kiss my girlfriend. I already mentioned that, didn’t I? I also kiss my mother. I mentioned that too, right? Not everybody else. What do you think of me? Some Yoga-Baba? To kiss each and everyone around and bless them? I didn’t bring it to India from somewhere. I just did it here. Oh! No one kisses in India? Then I’m the first one to do so. :D
Anyway, it seems I have irritated some ignorant desert monkeys who rallies at wherever someone puts up something saffron or green or blue. I don’t give a damn! As long as you guys fight in the name of a religion or a god or some nonsense like that, I will treat you like shit. Keep your beliefs in your pocket and don’t come interfering in mine. You have no right to decide someone else’s personal freedom. Just understand that simple lesson and if you do, you can start considering yourself as a progressive homosapien. Until you do, I hardly see any difference between you and a wild monkey!