Dark Place with dim lights hanging from the roof. (If you have seen Harry Potter films, imagine the setting for Ministry of Magic were the famous duel between Dumbledore and Lord Voldemort happened)
There is a small square-shaped platform on one end.
A crowd of unimaginable number of people started gathering. On the platform a figure appeared. For perfecting the picture, it is a man. As tall as Liam Neeson, with face like Al Pacino wearing Alan Rickman’s robes from Harry Potter. His eyes gently caressed the crowd, sweeping over it and finally settled on the paper he was holding in his hand. Then, he took out the iphone5 and switched it off, while winking at the people standing in the front row.
Hello… (His voice is exactly like Bill Nighy)
Welcome to all…
Because of the unprecedented rush we have been experiencing for some years, I am forced to make amendments in the way we recieve people, sorry, souls here. You, Indians, are chosen to be received by ME today. Yesterday, it was the Germans!! Oh, what a mess they are. It was better when they were the Nazis! Can you believe it.
As you might have figured it out by now, this is Hell! A nd of course, I am the Devil. But, you can call me Mr.D. We try to keep things very Informal here as well as Infernal . I believe that I do not need to tell you the reason for you being here. You must have done some sins when you were fuckin’ around in that little blue planet.
Oh! Excuse me, that man over there..! Please keep a little distance from that switchboard. If you press it unknowingly, It might let the Eternal Fire spread over here.
Now Now…. I have been given a list by my associates. I am gonna read it and you shall form a line according to that. Unlike your Earth, THERE ARE NO SEPERATE LINES FOR WOMEN, (even though I would very much like to do it). You are all, finally, equal here. No reservations, No political connections, No Phone Calls. Ooooooooooooooohah! Now, I am gonna call up some categories. You are to come forward (preferably by yourself) and make a line where I point.
For the sake of clarification, it includes people who killed people, people who forced people to kill people and also people who caused someone else’s….. Death.
Good…. please stand under that Red Hot Needle and wait for me to finish.
That person who smiled, even though you did not do the crime, please stand forward, and all the rapists after him.
Thank you, Please walk in line to that room over there. Please dont touch anything inside that. It costs me a fortune sterilizing all of’em after every session.
Cheats, Looters, Thieves, Pick Pockets, Petty Snatchers
I know… I know… Please understand that I don’t have room for all of you. What?……. No No… I don’t care if you were a Minister.. for what…?….Raiways? As I said earlier, You are all the SAME here and since you have the audacity to bring that up, you shall be treated a little more than Equal. Now, stop wasting my time and step aside!
Those who are wearing the White funny Caps are supposed to leave it in that basket outside the room, before entering it. Upon special request from the person who first wore it, there is now extra punishment installed for those who capitalized on it.
Doctors from Multi Speciality Hospitals too, please line up behind them.
Also should the Policemen, but only from Traffic and Public duties. Those who are above S.I ranks should not go in the line, there are something more entertaining for you!
Govt. Office workers…. should remove your shoes and then join. I don’t want my steel floors to be unclean while being hot at the same time. You should take out your glasses too as the hot files emit flames which might hamper your lenses.
People who lied all the time about something or the other can remove the sorry look from their funny faces and move your sorry arses right here. Lawyers also, if you could join them without making me call those lazy buggers called security! Customer Care executives also should join the line, dont worry, you’ll be given phones and computers here too!
(aside) Wicked Me! They believed it !
Why the hell are teachers here? Now.. Now.. that’s something new. (Turned and looked back) Who made this list?
OHO! You…. Okay.
Let’s get on with it… (aside) with profiles..mmm.. taught Post-Co.. colonialism.. what in Heaven is that? Okay..
We’ll need something more than Lake of Fire and Hot Metal Biscuits.. here.
Please… for My sake form a line and stand in that corner.
Atheists and God Men/Women
Yeah…. Yeah…. been waiting for you all. I know… I know…. this is all a little baffling for you all. I thought of putting you under that category of thieves and petty snatchers.. But, you know what, I wanted to see how many of you are coming from each country. Will you stop that, that ugly bearded and half naked man in the middle of the crowd. I can see you, and let me tell you, I am not interested in your perverted little farting positions… Any more of that I might thik of putting you on the top of a red-hot flagpost myself.
For Godmen and women, Your God himself has texted me to say that I should enjoy with you guys. So, please don’t say HIS NAME when I enjoy with you!
That’s all? Anyone left?
No. Sorry. No Toilets. But, that’s the whole idea, dear. Neither will be given food or water as they are only allowed for the torturers.
I hope you Enjoy the stay….