Warnings…

To…

Shadi.com – I don’t know where you got this mail id. But, I’M NOT LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT LIFE PARTNER. Besides, if I marry someone listed in your countless profiles and then get irritated with her later, will you guys come and take her away or replace her or something? NO!!!!

FaceBook – I do not play games! Understand that…
Please don’t suggest complete assholes to be added to my friends’ list… there’s a reason why they are not in my friends’ list even though we may have 70-80 mutual friends!

My Phone – I know predictable text is useful and all. But, you’re a bit too predictable for my tastes. When I type ‘I’m going to have…’ , you don’t have to give ‘sex’ as an option. I usually mean ‘breakfast’ ‘lunch’ or ‘dinner’.

My bike – I fixed you. I spend a lot of money on you. Please be a good boy now and behave. Or I’ll be forced to retire you and parcel you back home to be kept as an antique piece in my garage. I do not think you really want to be covered in plastic and travel 1500 kms in an iron box, rubbing shoulders with filthy bikes. You are much more than that. This is the last time I talk to you in such a length, alright?

Hyderabad Restaurants – (a) Please give more than one Menu card when a group of five occupies a table. I regret resorting to violence to order food for me.
(b) When I tell you to pack the rest of the food for me, it means I have counted the number of meat pieces in it, if any. I know you guys eat one or two pieces on the way to kitchen. It is just a testing I do to check how many of you assholes are really honest in running a place.

(c) If I’m paying 500 bucks for a dinner, assholes, I have the right to say ‘shut up’ to noisy people. That is, if you don’t! For the rest, I hope your restaurant is insured.

The Neighbor – Learn civilized living, buddy. Your rights to produce noisy brats are as important as my right to have a peaceful day. Remember, a man wouldn’t know when he would snap! Every knock those brats make on my door, are going to be repeated on your tooth later. Requests are not working with you, pal. I’m sorry.

WordPress – Your ‘Reader’ sucks! Your android app sucks!

The Fundamentalists – I know you guys think of me as an ignorant fool and I think all of you, regardless of your religion, are bastards with no brains. Let’s leave it at that and continue living as best buddies!

The guy living in 201 – Sir, a scooter needs to be kick started if the plug hasn’t fired for a long time or the petrol valve is closed for a long time. Trying to push the button for fifteen minutes will only help in reducing the life of your poor battery and also to wake up poor souls like me.

My former teachers from School – I never respected you people. Sorry to say that but I really did not. That school was hell for me and you were Devils’ creatures flying in to torment me in the most innovative ways. If you have taught me anything at all… that is to make me realize how not to be like you at all. Besides, you’ve made that place look like a freakin’ fish market.

- Manu

P.S: The last sentence of the last warning had to be cut short because it was exceeding the limit of one-page. If you all haven’t noticed, I have a strict One-page Policy. Warnings for rapists, abusers (of all sorts!), politicians etc are on the way.

 

Do your ‘Dutt’y…

 

Been reading a lot about Sanjay Dutt and his apparent plight in this democratic nation… I get served news in different ways. I choose to pluck the newspaper out of the metal gate and read it. An app provided news links to my phone page and my homepage for the phone is Times of India! I have not been paying much attention to news once the bastards called media shamelessly helped in turning out the fire that broke after the Delhi gang rape case. Some of my friends thought I was being callous in talking about the Delhi Gang Rape. To them, I wasn’t being a tightlipped asshole. I was just curious to see how far this would go. I have an experience in going to a struggle against the government; an experience that I very reluctantly unveil… We saw a protest gathering up in the capital and the beloved political leaders came out in flocks day by day and the police presence went down and gatherers went back to their Baskin & Robbins or Pizza Hut or even talking a bit of Marxism, as that has been the fashion in this country’s leading institutions.

I only asked one question that day, in my last blog about this subject. How many of those gatherers have the power to employ their vote in the coming elections? 20… may be 30% in my calculations. You saw a hell lot of a people; most of them University students, who are old enough to vote but the question is, how many of them would actually vote? Take the pain of standing in queues and put their seal in a ballot paper and make their right to have a democracy count… not many. These are the people who pout about standing in queue to pay their semester fee. Most of them might be having an ID card (iisued by the Election Commission) but being away from their electoral mandals, only a few of them could actually vote. I cast my first vote in 2004 public elections and 2006 State Assembly elections. After that I have not been able to cast a vote anywhere! Leave that as it may….

Two days ago, a minor girl was raped in the same streets of Delhi and also in a bus. Nobody came out of their nests and howled for justice. I do not understand the sociological reasons for this but I will be thinking it over until I get one. Hell, I will even launch a Facebook group and launch an investigation from my couch, eating lays and drinking single malt whiskey! I will debate this over and over again when I brush my teeth or sit in toilet!

I started talking about actor Sanjay Dutt. He is convicted to serve 3 and half years in Jail for having a party to the 1993 Mumbai blast cases. He is a professional actor and is affectionately called Sanju Baba in film circles. During the beginning of his career, he was known to be a cocaine addict and also found to have been in the same circles with dreaded dons of Mumbai mafia; Chota Rajan and Dawood Ibrahim. It is twenty years after the blasts and most of the victims and their relatives or friends might have lost their trust in the judicial system and the Supreme Court has suddenly told Mr. Dutt to serve some time in Jail. We see the film fraternity rallying behind Sanjay Dutt and ‘seeking justice.’ Everyone knows that actors, regardless of which country/industry they belong to, are dumb! What they do recognize (or their IQ permits them to recognize) is his/her posters from someone else’s. That’s all their brain need to do. Of course there are a few people that come out of this peer group and think differently. When an actor is capable of thinking differently, we call them ‘intelligent actor!’ That means, (Yes! I am Harsh!), they only need to think different inorder to gain the title of ‘intelligent’.

 

Apparently, Mr. Dutt is a changed man and hence the name ‘Sanju Baba’ (Sanju, the pious!). India has a long history of very violent men turning pious when they age. Ashoka (the great) might be a world-class example. He killed nearly 15 million people in battle to find his greatness and God. Just like that Sanjay Dutt had to serve One and a half years in Jail to find god and ‘inner peace’.

Inner Peace…..

Why do people rally support for someone who is guilty. If they respect the ‘democratic’ part of this nation’s constitution, they should welcome the Supreme Court decision and let the actor serve his time. As much as I like Mr. Dutt’s recent performances, I really want the decision of the Supreme Court to be served properly.

- Manu

P.S: The Mighty and Righteous ‘Supreme’ Court gave Sanjay Dutt four more weeks to surrender to his fate. I wonder if the same love is available for a common man?