Shadi.com – I don’t know where you got this mail id. But, I’M NOT LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT LIFE PARTNER. Besides, if I marry someone listed in your countless profiles and then get irritated with her later, will you guys come and take her away or replace her or something? NO!!!!
FaceBook – I do not play games! Understand that…
Please don’t suggest complete assholes to be added to my friends’ list… there’s a reason why they are not in my friends’ list even though we may have 70-80 mutual friends!
My Phone – I know predictable text is useful and all. But, you’re a bit too predictable for my tastes. When I type ‘I’m going to have…’ , you don’t have to give ‘sex’ as an option. I usually mean ‘breakfast’ ‘lunch’ or ‘dinner’.
My bike – I fixed you. I spend a lot of money on you. Please be a good boy now and behave. Or I’ll be forced to retire you and parcel you back home to be kept as an antique piece in my garage. I do not think you really want to be covered in plastic and travel 1500 kms in an iron box, rubbing shoulders with filthy bikes. You are much more than that. This is the last time I talk to you in such a length, alright?
Hyderabad Restaurants – (a) Please give more than one Menu card when a group of five occupies a table. I regret resorting to violence to order food for me.
(b) When I tell you to pack the rest of the food for me, it means I have counted the number of meat pieces in it, if any. I know you guys eat one or two pieces on the way to kitchen. It is just a testing I do to check how many of you assholes are really honest in running a place.
(c) If I’m paying 500 bucks for a dinner, assholes, I have the right to say ‘shut up’ to noisy people. That is, if you don’t! For the rest, I hope your restaurant is insured.
The Neighbor – Learn civilized living, buddy. Your rights to produce noisy brats are as important as my right to have a peaceful day. Remember, a man wouldn’t know when he would snap! Every knock those brats make on my door, are going to be repeated on your tooth later. Requests are not working with you, pal. I’m sorry.
WordPress – Your ‘Reader’ sucks! Your android app sucks!
The Fundamentalists – I know you guys think of me as an ignorant fool and I think all of you, regardless of your religion, are bastards with no brains. Let’s leave it at that and continue living as best buddies!
The guy living in 201 – Sir, a scooter needs to be kick started if the plug hasn’t fired for a long time or the petrol valve is closed for a long time. Trying to push the button for fifteen minutes will only help in reducing the life of your poor battery and also to wake up poor souls like me.
My former teachers from School – I never respected you people. Sorry to say that but I really did not. That school was hell for me and you were Devils’ creatures flying in to torment me in the most innovative ways. If you have taught me anything at all… that is to make me realize how not to be like you at all. Besides, you’ve made that place look like a freakin’ fish market.
P.S: The last sentence of the last warning had to be cut short because it was exceeding the limit of one-page. If you all haven’t noticed, I have a strict One-page Policy. Warnings for rapists, abusers (of all sorts!), politicians etc are on the way.